I often find myself asking if this season of life is some kind of test that I am flunking at miserable or is this just life with trauma survivors that are struggling to reach adulthood?
Currently we have a 17 year old that is stumbling through relationships with the opposite sex and although he was ecstatic to be 18 when he turned 17 he is now in that panic of I don’t want to be an adult. We also have 2 boys that are 13 and are struggling with all those amazing hormones (that is the curse right? Hormones affect their everything and shift every second it seems!) and their own transition into being middle schoolers and finding their nitch in life, while still clinging to their younger selves!
To say that life is challenging right now may be more than an understatement, but instead an out right curse! Right now it feels like I am getting pumbled by rocks whenever they are around. Nothing is getting their attention!! We are in the middle of hockey season with late nights and a lot of waiting around between the two different ages levels and their games. I am doing everything I can to improve the situation by preparing food and taking it with us, taking kids in sets working on school work and chores with one group before getting them ready for their game or getting them back all sweaty and getting them showered and then through their chores and homework. Plus they have fund raising for their summer camp at church, fundraising for the mountain bike season that is coming, supporting my husband as he steps out to start working with my family on medal signs, and it goes on!
Keeping up with everything has completely drained my cup! I have been getting time alone in the bible a couple of days a week and I know my prayer warrior is wearing holes in her knees keeping our family in front of the Lord…… but what do you do when all your efforts appear fruitless?
God has really been shaping and pruning our family right now! We have walked through issues of extreme disrespect with the reason it is occurring is “My mom made eat all my eggs today! It made me mad so I just flipped my classmate off because she was making me even mader”, getting 0’s on all assignments due to an unwillingness to take the test seriously, and announcing that you are dating a girl on Facebook before you have told your parents you are dating said girl. How do you respond to everything when they are hitting you all at the same time?
The best way I can describe it is being purposeful! After attempting to roleplay several scenarios about disrespect to learn that the child is routinely giving 70% at school! So I have to think out of the box and decide that 70% cooked dinner would make a huge impact on the kid that his entire existence is based on food. This did the job because for the first time he is able to see how giving 70% is not what he is capable of, keeping one of the top Goalies out for a game maybe even two because he is unable to complete any task fully including school assignments, and realizing that dating a girl in a different state comes with benefits of never getting to be physically alone with the girl!
I had to make the choice to remain purposeful in my interactions with these kiddos as well work very hard to keep on our scheduled routine. Ray and I are often reminding each other that “hey they are better off here than where they were” or “that is their autism talking, don’t take it personal”! The life we live is by no means an easy one, however we are called by God to live it and he has never let us down, so he will keep us in his grace and favor!