There are definitely times that we must reach out for help! This is not always easy, however it is something that we all need….even if it may not seem like help right at that moment!
I have been there…..more than once……I am falling apart and I am reaching out for help in this moment. This is not something that happens regularly, however when it happens I have been blessed to have amazing therapists that are there to help!
So I hit my breaking point on Wednesday afternoon! I had my 13 year old that has been over the top fixated on his own wants and makes it unsafe for him to do things out in the neighborhood with his peers and my 10 year old that continues to scream save me and help me when you get close even when nothing is going on! These two definitely take a lot of energy to keep up with. The more I am faced with these two alone the more I am getting frustrated and emotional. So I was home alone with all the kids and these two start on their trips! Aaron is next to me screaming that he is being abused as I am trying to calm him by rubbing his hair and providing some stimulation. Blaze is upset that it is his sisters birthday and family friends are coming for dinner; I know what your thinking, “why would that upset him”, well he can’t be trusted to be out of sight and hearing with other children so he is on the kick that I am the worst parent that ever lived.
I found myself in tears, with my heart racing, and feeling trapped in the room with two abusers. I was panicking so I reached out to our rockstar therapist. I told him I was ready to call crisis because of these two children and their behaviors! It is not that they are just choosing to be jerks (I hope anyways), but it is more that they are calling out for help. They are not getting their needs meet and I am not at a place where I can meet them, and that is okay.
Did you hear me? It is okay to not be able to meet their needs every second of every day! I am personally giving you permission to reach your limit, to not be the person to meet every single need of your foster/adoptive children, and above all to be human! I don’t know about you, but having someone tell me these statements changed my world!
I had called our therapist in tears because I had reached my breaking point! This was a shocker to him as I rarely reach this point, yet there I was, breaking down into tears and being someone to sa please come help me. (See your not alone!) Our plan was to get us respite! (I am blessed that our clinic can reach out and find respite for our kids on fairly short notice.) I felt major relief in the knowledge that these two children would be heading to respite on Saturday and we would be able to breathe.
So that help for my future needs to be met, but what about the needs at that second. I was nicely reminded that Aaron needs love and attention even when he is not able to verbalize it, so even though he is crying and stating that he is being abused he truly is needing to be loved and have some affection shown to him. I was also reminded that Blaze is acting out because he knows we are sticking to our word and he will not get his way when the other families arrive. Bill reminded me to stay the course and keep walking the path before me and to not let them in to my head. We discussed a few helpful tips to keep me moving until Saturday, however the biggest piece for me was someone was listening to just me and there was such a peace to have someone hear me and acknowledge my struggles. I knew what to do, I just needed to hear that I am not alone and I am doing the right thing eventhough it is beyond difficult AT THIS MOMENT. Wait…..it was only a moment….what…. it felt like a month long crisis in that moment, but today looking back at the event it was truly only a moment.
If there is any one piece of advise that has made the biggest impact in our lives is finding people that can be your emergency call. Don’t get me wrong Ray is amazing and we tag team ALL THE TIME, EVERY DAY, but there are times that an outsider just makes a bigger impact in that moment. So many times I am pointed back to God in these moments because no one on their own decides to take on these traumatized children (if they do a psych eval is in order), however I am never alone because God has called us to this amazing ministry. Even when our therapist said “stay the course” it is pointing me back to the fact that I am following God’s plan and I need to be reminded of that periodically. Find your emergency backup that points you in the forward direction for your walk with God and the children.