So here we are at Monday once again and we are all into our new routine of getting through breakfast and clearing off the table for the five computers to be set up. It already feels like the normal school day grind.
To think just two short weeks ago this feeling felt so unobtainable….this got me thinking. What else has become our norm that at one point in our life felt like an unobtainable dream?
This took a little bit of thought and a whole lot of coffee, but I have found those things that have become my new normal.
The biggest one that I so often overlook is… I never wanted to be a mom let alone a mom to 8 amazing children. I always looked forward to quiet days and doing everything for just me. Now I live every second of my life for these children which only two I gave birth to.
I think this is so easily over looked and … well under appreciated. Yes I often hear we are saints and while it is nice to hear (not really because I don’t do a great job most times), I don’t think that people really know what it is like to raise children who have lived through trauma. They don’t understand the overwhelmingness that day to day life can cause these children and in turn cause my anxiety and panic to sky rocket!
Little things like going to the library….. ABSOLUTE TORCHER!! This was one of my favorite places growing up! The world was all right there for me to discover! (Insert my longing sigh here!) Now it is a panic attack inducing environment. The options, the layout, the people, the excitement, the list goes on and on! This is a trauma history child’s biggest dreams and struggles all wrapped into one! “You mean I can only check out 15 items!” Or my favorite “No mom, this 15 page graphic novel will be the only book I need for the next two weeks!” While for me it was my peaceful place for these kids it is simply overwhelming!
Back to being a mom of eight. I have always loved to solve problems however, I never thought I would be faced with how to accomplish 11 people’s laundry for the week in the time frame of less expensive energy use, how to make an amazing dinner for 11 with next to no cost, how to provide for the special needs of each child, etc. These have become my daily puzzles, vastly different from managing 6 patients on my own, or managing the entire Family and Birthing Center for the day. Isn’t it funny how God uses us in weird ways?
Really think about it, what do you consider your gift? How does God use that gift? My gift has been used in ways no one could expect! I now work to solve how to reach kids that are mine, but aren’t responding to “normal” techniques! This is from the woman that was never having kids!
In short God knew I was ment to be the mom to these rascals and all my skills and training in my none mom life have lead me to be the mom I am today. I have been equipped to handle meltdowns, selfharming behaviors, selfregulation in sexual forms, and death threats from a 12 year old. I would have never expected the phrases, “bubbles” to be a constant utterance to keep children from assaulting each other or “Did you die?” when someone needs attention and fakes an injury to be a part of my normal vocabulary. It is though! It is our normal and at times used more often than even “I love you” as we work through the cycles of these kids. Their emotional cycles have become our norms. We have learned to accept, adjust to, and heck even love these kids during their tough phases and rejoice with them in their happy phases. THIS IS OUR NORMAL!!