We have a 14 year old adopted son with Autism Spectrum Disorder type 2 that is pushing me over the edge!!! We have other kids with the same diagnosis and I have survived their growth through this age however, I do think I will make it this time.
We have worked through hours of therapy, every technique suggested, and more meltdowns than is humanly possible. Currently we are working with the indifference strategy, no matter what he does we are to be indifferent. I am struggling with this in every fiber of my body!!!! We have been doing this for over a month and honestly I just can’t do this anymore! If we saw one twinkle of it making a difference I would stick to my guns but when I continue to get looks like he is going to attack me or that I am abusing him when he doesn’t get the extra the others have earned it is beyond hard!
This is the battle I have been through with my heart over this strategy. How can I show him love if I am indifferent….well when I do show him love he is indifferent about it. Hum, but how will he know how special he is…..well if he isn’t being treated special he melts down so does it help to treat him special? Not really.
I understand that I am not a therapist or specialist but how is acting like him going to improve the situation? Well let me tell you something…it took a good month, but on Sunday when dad elected to play Xbox with the boys this particular 14 year old was not eligible. Bingo finally we see that he does care about something!
Now as I sit here on Tuesday and it took him 3 1/2 hours to answer two math problems and 10 history questions (yes you heard me right 12 problems in 3 1/2 hours!) and that small nerve we hit on Sunday is no longer sensitive! Now what? Well we are continuing this indifferent journey and once again my heart struggles! Being indifferent is not what God has made me to be!
As I talked with my mentor today I had my eyes opened once again! I needed a reminder that I do not see my children the way God sees them. This was an aha moment for sure! God knows my struggles and He knows their struggles. God knows my heart and He knows my children’s hearts. I need to turn to Him for guidance and the ability to see my children as He does! I truly want to see them as gifts when I am on that 4th hour of working on 13 problems! I want to see joy in the indifferent response from my 14 year old when he receives a gift!
I guess I just wait for the change! It is coming just SSOOO slowly!