So here we are in the middle of the Covid-19 chaos and, to be honest, it feels like we have multiple little tornadoes that keep starting up within the swaying of our sinking ship! Yeah that sounds psycho and let me tell you I FEEL PSYCHO!
In a world where we have little to no control of things going on outside our home, I find that I have little control I have over things inside my home as well! Okay that sounds a little dramatic, but if we step back and look at our children and their past trauma that is still affecting them it is 100% true!
I had no control over the horrific trauma that my children have endured and honestly I am just along for the ride as they work through their past trauma. Now for some of you that are reading this and have not stepped out in faith yet to be a foster parent or to adopt a child into your family from the foster system this may sound COMPLETELY crazy…..
However, living with trauma in your home (even if you are not the one who has caused the trauma!!) is one of the most challenging, overwhelming, heartbreaking, rewarding, amazing, and awe inspiring adventures you can have. I honestly feel that while this is a crazy ride it is one that I would never want to miss out on!
Now does that mean that I don’t have times that I long for the empty nest that I would have now if I wasn’t on this adventure, no I am human …. I think! Of course there are times that I long to be alone and spend time with just my husband, go to the bathroom without a fight breaking out, or someone being pushed into full on meltdown over not getting to do what they want! Who wouldn’t!!!! Right????
I guess I need to get back to my point of this post….
While we are not in control of our children’s cycle, which leads to the above stated feelings, I am in control of how I respond and how I let their cycle affect me!!
As I write this post I have an 11 year old standing in the same room screaming that he wants to kill himself and that he hates his life (he is in his anger phase). The meltdown cycle often resembles that of the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Currently we are experiencing the anger response by screaming that he wants to kill himself, however I know that soon his words will change to something along the line of “it was an accident that I threw the rock at my brother so I shouldn’t have to stand in a time in!” or maybe even something like “it’s his fault because he was sitting where I was going to through my rock and so he should have to to do the punishment not me!”
Yet again one more cycle that we are experiencing several times over each day. Now we have what unfortunately is becoming a common cycle of will there be school on campus or will I be responsible for teaching the lesson plans the teachers have put out for us to use. Here at the Aguilar house we have made the OH SO HARD decision to home school our circus of flying monkey’s. I say this half excited that I get to teach because it is one of my joys, however, teaching with trauma and heartache means that I am more than a little overwhelmed.
In my logical mind I am overwhelmed by the prospect of attempting to teach my kids, but in my Momma heart I am ecstatic! I know my children better than just about anyone, which means I know how to reach them, and have more time than a teacher with 29 other students. I also know just how challenging this will be! I know what will definitely trigger a meltdown, or stir up feelings. However, who better to work through these challenges than their protector, provider, and safe place? I know that this will allow them to work through not only common events in life, but also their feelings on family and their personal history that a teacher just is not able to fully grasp. We are choosing to make this a part of our journey! You heard me right, we are choosing to battle through our childs’ past trauma to reach the end goal of being a rock star human that can make it in this crazy world!
So let the wheels, gears, emotions, and tears keep rolling as we partake on yet another new twist in our family’s journey in life!